from before i could remember

there are things
from before i could remember

young hands scrawling misspelled stories
crude pictures
death and blood
tragedy i laughed at later

i don’t remember writing that.

there are events
from before i could remember

mischief, screaming, crying
moving houses
people i loved, never returning
people i called evil later

there is a time i remember a coffin being lowered into the ground,
and i threw flowers.

there is a time you picked a succulent from a park for me
and told me it would grow
ten years later i’ve been propagating it
it has firework star flowers
you’ll never see.

there is a song i wrote once
found it while tidying my room
and threw it out.

there are spaces
i protest were filled with nothing
but i can’t remember right
and i don’t want to remember right

she tells me i was writing early,
reading to my class of four year olds,
always controlling her life,
stupid,
clever,
amazing,
falling behind

every part of life
i never want to forget
written desperately
notes in a shoebox

empty diaries i stare at and wonder
what was i doing that year
it’s all gone now

and the years are too fast

there are things now
after i remember

freckled hands typing frantic thoughts
crude ideas
death and blood
tragedy i’ll laugh at later

but will i remember this?

About these ads